We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
