I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
