we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
