Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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