At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Semen is not good for contacts.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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