It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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