'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
