the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
