so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
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