We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
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