so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
