Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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