You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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