i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
