you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
