i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
