I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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