I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize