Are we in a gay sports bar?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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