I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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