I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
