Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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