Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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