I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
