I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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