Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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