Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Can you bring me the toilet please
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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