he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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