What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
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