Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
