My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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