So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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