i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
