There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
