Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
