He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
