I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
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