the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
