turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
The power of my boobs compel you
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
