Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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