me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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