i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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