Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Randomize
