You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
cat food counts as protein by the way
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
