Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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