I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
