You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
