rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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