Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I woke up under a house in Key West
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize