How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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