dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
operation have a gay friend backfired
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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