Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
