woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
