Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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