Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
