what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
