Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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