East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I think my vagina is haunted
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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