so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
