I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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