after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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