I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
My breasts were aching with rage.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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