My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
