doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
