This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
