Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
