and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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