I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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