my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
