ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
